four.

i should be in bed. oh, i should be but of course in my stubborness i am up writing. it's like an addiction. i must write my thoughts on the day. i guess to kind of clear my mind before bed.

well today was like a roller coaster. sota & i went to lunch as well as went to court to take care of my ticket which is going to end up costing me about $300. i was so upset. my ticket pretty much sets me back financially for a month. anywhoo, i threw a little hissy fit but i am now over it. nothing i can do to change what happened. moral of the story don't speed in lubbock because they will rape you.

so then i go to work & it was a little overwhelming at first but i got the girls to vacation bible school and gunnar & i went to a park. we stayed for a little over an hour then went to my house to hang out & watch spongebob. after an hour & a half gunnar wanted to go to another park. i invited a friend to go with us then took them back to work with me for what was supposed to be an hour but ended up like a little over three. i felt horrible because they had prior engagements. anyway, they helped out a lot.

so i just got home & settled. i wish that i could just magically fall asleep like the rest of the world. i have to do something creative. writing & music before bed, yes please. i have been iching to write music but i have so many ideas cluttering my mind. i know exactly what i want to write about but the words haven't been coming out lately. i'm getting the melodies so easy which is odd. usually the words flow so free & the melody comes towards the end. everything has kind of been wierd lately so why not musically too, right?

so i play the same melody on my guitar every night & try to invision the words. it must be some kind of amazing song waiting...i feel like i have done a lot of talking today. prolly too much talking actually. i open up & then quickly regret it. i don't know. i almost can feel myself talking these words & not liking it. it's quite the odd feeling. so i am going to bed. turn on both fans, wrap myself in blankets, & surround myself in my fort of pillows & knowing me run through my day, run through tomorrow, then contemplate the future. i have no idea what is next...

no idea. it's whatmakes like crazy beautiful - the surprise.