five.

i just woke up from a mini seizure. i haven't had one in over a year. i was lying on my couch sleeping quite well when my head started pounding, my eyes flew open, & like electricity running through my body i started flailing about. the weird thing about seizures is that you are conscience of what is happening but you can't stop it. it's the oddest feeling like something has taken over your body. something is more powerful than you are. it ended quickly, thank goodness, but i'm still reeling. my head hurts & i am sick to my stomach to the point where i can't stand up at the moment. i can't figure out what could've triggered it.

besides the randomness of that event my weekend/week has been very good. i've gotten to spend quality time with PAC members. i love them. they are truly my best friends. i'm not real sure what i'd do without them. i can call any of them at any time & one if not all will come hang out with me. i don't think i have ever had a group a friends like that.

last night i went over to jacie's house around 11pm to work on making harry potter glasses for quidditch today. well, i ended up watching her make them. i watched youtube videos haha. after the glasses were made jacie & i decided to write some very random songs as well as act a little at like 2am. it's funny how much fun we have doing the simplest of things. speaking of yesterday me & two other PAC members went on a nice bike ride/walk. it was in the mid to high to 90's but we had fun exercising. then another PAC member went to walmart so he could grab quidditch equipment then in boredom we headed to the vintage township to walk around. it was a good day...

oh, now on to more personal matters, love life. the one that i thought was non existant now is existing & i am honestly not handling it well. i went on a random date the other night which was a bore but besides that all of a sudden a few guys have taken an interest. if i might be honest it is quite overwhelming. i don't know how long i have said that i have wanted a relationship & now that i have that i have a serious chance of having one i'm scared to death. i am pushing them away. it's funny how it all works out the one you want you can't have but then again you might be that "one" someone else wants that they can't have. i keep telling myself i am to busy. i am but i think a lot of it is fear. i don't know if someone caring for me that much scares me but it does or if it just not a mutual feeling. i'm not real sure but i have to work some things out first in my mind before i commit. i feel oddly chased...a little vunerable as well. i wasn't expecting all this attention. i got what i wanted right?! be careful what you wish for...

anyway, this was a weird blog haha. i think i am going to lay back down & try to feel better.